The urge to hurt others is a natural human response to being hurt. But true abuse means that the abuser takes pleasure in hurting others and does so repeatedly, with malice aforethought. Abuse is rampant in homes, schools and work. By recognizing the signs, you will understand why you feel so frightened and confused and will, hopefully, distance yourself, physically and/or emotionally instead of trying to please the abuser. Never justify, trivialize, deny or defend abuse, especially not for shalom bayis, kibud horim or kibud morim, as doing so encourages abuse.